Brave

So the other day I was kind of having a weird "What-am-I-doing-with-my-life?" crisis. I've been sort of anxiety ridden since.

I've been making a list in my head of my fears, hoping I'll find the root of what's really going on in my head. I know some people are scared of being successful.. To those people I say,

"Really? That's what you're afraid of??? Cry me a river..."

I could make a list for you of what's scaring me:

• I'm scared of failing. Being completely horrible at whatever I want to be good at.
• I'm scared of being lied to, continuing through life with people around me that don't tell me the truth.
• I'm scared of trusting people for the above reason and fear.
• I'm scared of being fat (hey, I'm still a girl)
• I'm scared of not going anywhere in my life, working a dead end job.

But in the end I'm still just standing still.. where do I go from here?

I normally don't go on whining. I do have a plan in place and I do have things in the works. I am still scared, but I need to try.

Just out of sheer comfort seeking tendencies, I think I'll watch Brave tonight. I love her. She's wild and crazy and she reminds me of my younger self when I used to race against the boys... and beat them :).

I miss the feeling I used to get when I felt fierce. When I felt confident and I felt unstoppable. I've always been determined, stubborn, and hard working. It's worked and it's gotten me to survive through the hardest times. I feel like the disconnect happened since that determination wasn't fueled towards something I was passionate about.

Now I ask myself, If I could change my fate... would I?